the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
