My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
