my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
