You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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