Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
