so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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