All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
