Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
