You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
