if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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