I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
