I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we're making bets on your personal life
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
