I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
