The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have aggressive nipples.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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