you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
