I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
