Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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