1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
