I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
