Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
