wrigley field is MILF paradise
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
