I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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