Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
