We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
