Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
