my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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