but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You ate ashes out of my bong
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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