# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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