Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
