the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
