I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
