Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
