That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
