seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
