im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
