did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
