He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Who died my cat blue again?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
