the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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