what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
my liver is dry heaving
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
