I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
