ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
