Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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