Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
