I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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