I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
