I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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