soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
