a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
