Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
