To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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