took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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