I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
